Calverley (17th of August)

David Westcombe

Here’s Calverley’s observations on people, life and more important things…

Not a big fan of the TV hit The Great British Bake Off, but nevertheless delighted to bump into one of its local ‘stars’ Mat Riley.

Calverley cannot resist asking why he spells his name with only one ‘t’ as opposed to Matt. Was it all about being a bit of a poser?

He bursts out laughing: “It’s because my parents can’t spell. It says ‘Mat’ on my birth certificate so that’s that. People often ask me about it.” What a nice chap, and a fireman to boot.

Truely it’s a sign of the times when having an HIV test becomes part of courtship. Sitting in a coffee shop, Himself overhears two young(ish) chaps chatting about their girlfriends. Both appeared deeply attached to their current partners. (Would not go so far as to use the words ‘in love’). First chap: “Before we got really serious she insisted I get checked out for HIV. She said she didn’t want to end up with AIDS.” Second chap: “That’s happened to me with my last two girlfriends.” Calverley has no comment.

The bride-to-be is making final arrangements for the big day. Crunching numbers, she realises that handing everyone a glass of Champagne for the toast might be a tad too costly. Helpful wedding organiser suggests serving the bride and groom the real stuff and passing glasses of the much cheaper sparkling Spanish Cava to all the other guests. Result.

Nothing is more guaranteed to lead to raised eyebrows in the back bar of any local than a stranger sitting on the wrong stool. Years of drinking protocol have usually established a pecking order for who rests where. Calverley fell foul of the system at a newly visited hostelry and was ‘required’ to move when one of the regulars pointed to the sign above the bar. It worked. He moved.

Chin, chin readers

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